Monday, August 01, 2005

WFRP Update 26

It took many days for me to convince the inn keeper that the wee man was only a threat to himself. And my good word, combined with a few coins, convinced them to allow him to hoist a tankard under their roof again. So, a few nights later (which seemed like an eternity), we were back at the table. In the dim light of the inn, the bruises on his face were barely visible.

"Glad to see that the inn keeper is willing to overlook a few exuberant remarks! Not like the other inns in this town. Break a few pieces of furniture and they won't even allow you inside on a rainy day! Now what kind of hospitality is that? But at least you recognize the truth when it's sitting in front of your face. Not like those thick headed companions of mine.
See, after we discovered the bodies of my loyal retainers, I quickly put the pieces together. It was obviously that fat doctor! He set us up....keeping us occupied long enough for the queen bitch to send her goons down the hill to steal our boat. So, we give the poor fellows a burial at sea...er, river...whatever and head back to the doctors house. It sounds easy enough when I say it now, but I had to yell and scream at these simpletons for minutes before they finally grasped the situation.
"We go charging across the town and I get my loyal followers to start battering down the door. They almost had the door busted in when the old crone opens it too see what the racket is. Rudolpho was first in the door, bashing the old lady aside with the butt of his pistol. Too bad he couldn't find the stairs as fast. Eventually he manages to find the way up and we go thundering up the stairs. But then Rudolpho pulls up short when he see the fat faker standing in a doorway, trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes.
"And I underestimated the bastard....the brandy must have gone to my head. The charlatan must have cast some sort of magic spell on my weak minded companions!! That's the only reason I can figure for why they stopped and listened to his lies. No matter what I said they simply would not budge! He even managed to convince them to toss me out of the house while they went and discussed what was happening. Well, I managed to procure some of his documents before I was escorted out. I was planning on using them as evidence in his eventual trial...but someone managed to steal them away from me while I slept. Damn his poisoned brandy!

"Anyway, my lackeys managed to find me a room at the inn and the night passed uneventfully. Although the pain that raced through my body the next morning was tremendous. If not for my superior constitution, I surely would have succumb to his poisons. And my companions were of little help...they merely mocked my condition. But I had my revenge on them, but I'll tell you about that later. Ahh, it still brings a smile to my face to think of what I did to them....

The wee man laughs so hard that he manages to spill his ale and wouldn't stop until a full mug was in his hand. But then his mood darkened.

"We had suspected that the whole place was infected with some sort of evil, some strange mutation...and we had our confirmation when the sun reached it's zenith.
"We were starting into lunch, trying to figure out how we could over power the witch when we finally met her and in walked three of her cursed guards. It was amazing; everyone shut up immediately, their heads were all bowed...it was like looking at a room full of whipped dogs.
"These three guards walk up to the bar, each get an ale and drink it through a straw! I can understand that they would want to keep their armour on, given the fact that the hatred of these beings was so thick it choked the room, but to not even raise the visor...something strange was afoot.
"After they finish their drinks they pick one of the farmers out of the crowd, some poor soul named Lamprik and start slapping him around demanding that he tell them where his son, Reikhart is hiding. They kept claiming that his son was part of a band of bandits. This was news to us....it didn't seem like there was anything in this town worth stealing.
"Rudolpho and I tried to distract them by feeding them whatever lies we could imagine, but they seemed more interested in causing pain to the people that they were supposed to be protecting than gathering any information. When they pulled the old farmer to his feet and started moving him towards the door, I could see Rudolpho signaling us that we couldn't let this happen. I could see everyone else getting ready for Rudolpho's signal. He waited just long enough for us to prepare ourselves and then he stood up and reached for his pistol.....and got the damn thing stuck in his jacket!!! He was standing there tugging away at the thing, while the guards were pushing the old man out the door. So, of course, it was up to me to save the day again. I let loose with my sling and smacked one of them in the head. That got their attention.
"They let the old man go, and he took off faster than anything I've ever seen. Rudolpho managed to yank his pistol free and let one of the guards have it...which was less than impressive. He would have been better served bashing him with the butt, but he seems to save that for the elderly. I'll take a solid rock over those damn fire crackers any day. Elpham was in there with his blades singing away. He managed to behead one of the bastard and knocked another one to the floor with ease. The last one took a chunk out of Corobath, but Rudolpho managed to smack his in the head and knocked his helmet clear across the room.
"Too bad we weren't fast enough to stop them for yelling for help. We heard a horse and rider take off outside. We looked outside and saw the rider heading for the castle and reinforcements.
"There was nothing much that we could do about that, so we turned our attention to the guards in front of us. I figured that we could at least gather a bit of information before we became fugitives. But when we got closer to them, we decided that maybe we had best head out now.
"When you open up some armour you expect to see some flesh. What we saw was a mess of putrescense decay. It was as if their bodies had fused with the armour. We needed no further proof of the chaos that was infesting this place. Rudolpho, Magdelaine and Corobath all took off out the door within seconds. I finished off these beasts while Elpham mounted one of their heads on a broom handle. Not quite as impressive as a pike, but we were rushed. When Elpham and I rushed out the door and looked around, the others were nowhere to be seen, but we could see a dust cloud coming down from the castle on the hill.

"How did we escape? Well, I could tell you tonight, but my mug's empty and my bed's calling.